40 and Reminiscing

I listen to a podcast by Bill Simmons from ESPN. He's a funny guy who loves Boston teams and reality TV shows. He also talks a lot about being 40. "Forty is the age when your warranty begins to run out," says recently interviewed Rich Eisen, and Bill Simmons agrees with him. "You wake up in the morning and your body starts to ache unlike when you're 30." Forty is also the age when you wake up at five in the morning and it feels perfectly natural. I'm not saying I've turned forty, twenty years ahead of schedule, but there's something else about turning forty. You're able to look back on every experience you lived through and say, "I remember when..." You're filled with stories about the OJ Simpson trial, the Bird vs Magic era, and the years of losses that led up to the 2004 World Series. You recount these stories with friend who know exactly what you're talking about. I'm twenty years his junior and feel like I've missed a life time's worth of events.

I'm fascinated by stories. I can sit through hours of podcasts listening to guys talk about the differences between the late 80's athletes and today's superstars. It intrigues me how they come up with comparisons about context between two strangely similar guys. It marvels me at how different things were before I was even born.

This evening I sat at Starbucks for four hours with a 25 year old and a 42 year old man. These two guys went to the same Bible college and they shared their stories about their phases of rebellion and resentment towards the college administration during their time in college. They shared stories about their successes and failures and how it felt like every moment in the past led up to today, and now it's like the fog has parted and he knows where his life's path was leading.

Me? I'm still struggling to find my purpose in life. I'm still searching for that thing that I'm passionate about. I sat there drinking coffee feeling jealous that this guy knew exactly what made him happy and he knew exactly what he wanted to do for the rest of his life.

I'm about to graduate from college and I feel like my life is just beginning. Yet I don't know where to go. I lack direction, I lack purpose. I'm starting to doubt whether life begins at 21; life for my friend seems to begin when you hit forty. I wish I was forty and reminiscing.