Sometime back in May 2009, I told my family I needed a new wallet. The one I currently held was soaked with rain and sweat and it had already started peeling away at my IDs. I've had it for over three years and I was hoping my family would replace it. One day as I was browsing through Bratpack with my sister and brother-in-law, we saw a very black wallet that was self-proclaimed to be slasher-proof. We looked at the price and it was way more than I was willing to spend. There were other wallets displayed and my sister offered to buy me one, but I declined.
Come September, my birth month, my friends surprised me with an A3 sized birthday card. It was awesome and I enjoyed it immensely. Attached to the birthday card was a white Adidas bifold wallet made of polyester with an attractive penciled design. It was awesome and I used it right away.
Christmas rolls around the corner and my parents give me an assortment of small gifts, one of which is a wallet -- the same black wallet I saw at Bratpack at an exorbitant price. Was I grateful? Not exactly, I asked my mom why she bought me a wallet when I had told her I was given one for my birthday. I think I caught her off guard with my remark because she was expecting gratitude. And really, she deserved gratitude. I noticed my ungrateful attitude right after, but it was too late. No matter how much thank you’s I pour on my mother, I'm sure she still felt the pang of regret for getting me a gift I didn't want.
I still regret that Christmas morning.
Earlier today I was chatting with a friend online. She asked what my plans were after college and I responded by saying I'd look for work. She questioned me with "right away?" in which I responded "um. what else am i going to do?"
friend: do something to celebrate the fact that you've just graduated?
me: like get a job? isn't that the point of college? just kidding. hm. i should go to taiwan. but i don't know if my sister is pushing through with her christmas visit
friend: what does that depend on? ticket prices?
me: um. yeah. i don't mind not being rich, but sometimes it seems like life would be much different if travelling wasn't so costly. brb.
While I was gone it hit me how ungrateful I am. Is it in my being that I make these comments without thinking? I thought about what I said and questioned myself for writing off all the opportunities I've had to travel. Three years ago my whole family went to Africa. In the past two years I've been to Taiwan twice. In the past year I've traveled all over the Philippines. I am ungrateful.
I came back online and apologized right away for what I said. "i am rich. and i do travel a lot." It's a truth in my life that I take for granted. I know people who haven't even been on an airplane before, and I'm complaining about the cost of travel. I make trips to Taiwan every year for a fraction of the cost it takes my American friends to make the same trip, yet I'm still the one complaining about the cost of travel.
I sometimes say things I don't mean. And every time, the words I say can't be unsaid. The tongue is a rudder, it says in James chapter 3, it steers the whole ship. The tongue also is a fire, it corrupts the whole person. Our tongue sometimes says things that are hurtful to others, other times it neglects God’s blessings and says ungrateful things. Sigh.
[Supplemental reading: Jonah 4]
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