#20

Today we had lunch on the soccer field. It was a tradition of Miss Grothoff to plan a picnic for the class before the end of the year. We brought our own home-made sandwiches, but she brought the good stuff – she brought sliced fruits, baked cookies, and tons and tons of orange juice.

We pigged out while Miss Grothoff gave a spiel about biology. She went on and on about nonvascular plants, spineless invertebrates, protists, monerans, and the fungus kingdom. It was all such a bore.

Fortunately we kept ourselves occupied with Dan and his jar of peanut butter. Dan likes to make his sandwiches at school so that the peanut butter and jelly doesn’t soak through the bread. Today he brought a brand new jar of Skippy’s Roasted Honey Nut Super Chunk Peanut Butter and we coaxed him eat the whole jar in one sitting.

He reluctantly gave in. A small crowd gathered around and watched Dan as he twisted off the red cap, peeled off the safety seal, took a spoon and drove it into the was-smooth surface of the peanut butter. Dan scooped out a huge chunk but hesitated before sticking the spoon in his mouth. He didn’t say anything, but you can see it in his eyes – he wanted to chicken out.

Dan’s no chicken though. He started stuffing his mouth with the stuff. We quietly cheered him on. You could see the sticky excess trickle down the corners of his mouth, but Dan wasn’t worried about his manners – he’s going to do this!

Eating peanut butter on its own is no easy task. PB is thick and murky. You can’t swallow the stuff like you swallow water. You have to force it down, especially if you’re taking mouth full’s at a time. And contrary to popular belief, it’s not that sweet; honestly, it tastes really gross. So you can imagine the horrors Dan was going through as he downed spoon after spoonful.

Dan didn’t finish the whole jar; he didn’t even get half way. His face turned an unnatural shade of green so we stopped cheering and gave him a little breathing room. Fortunately for the class he didn’t hurl, but we decided it was best to avoid him for the remainder of the day.

Dan vowed never to eat peanut butter again, and so far he’s kept that vow. Meanwhile, Miss Grothoff continued to lecture us on the genus Panthera. We continued to ignore her and instead lay down on our blankets and soaked in the sun.