#18

Kevin brought a film to my house today, entitled Martial Arts: Judo! The cover of the CD pictured a giant, flying through the air with flailing arms and legs, and beneath the giant was a poorly built man with skinny arms and legs. It was like The Amazing Spiderman without costumes!

We popped the CD into a DVD player and on the 52” HD screen saw a pixilated, wrinkly old Japanese man in a suit. He introduced Judo as one of the world’s greatest forms of fighting, despite it being called Judo, or “the gentle way.”

Before we witnessed a fight between two masters of Judo, we endured the hour long introduction of its history, its benefits and its rules. He went through the mechanics and why it’s such a fine sport for people of all ages – going through interview and interview with old ladies in their 80’s, little Billy’s, and even a 7 year old kid who after weeks of discipline training got over his attention deficit disorder. Judo rocked.

Judo’s great because anyone can use it. You don’t have to be strong; you just need the right technique. Even a tiny kid like little Parker could topple over a man as big as a rhino. Judo’s secret lies in its manipulation.

And then Kevin, my friends and I watched as grown men grappled with each other in different positions standing up and lying on the mats. And just to advise you, it’s nothing like WWE. It’s not as showy and it’s supremely more realistic (not that WWE is all fake).

Anyway, after watching a few fights my friends and I decided to practice some of the new moves we learned. We tugged at each others shirts and sleeves, pushing one other off balance so we could take advantage of their unstable stance, which then led their timbering fall.

Unfortunately, Kevin we never learned how to fall properly leading to Dan’s breaking his arm. When we heard the crack of marrow and the bulge protruding out of the skin, we panicked. We cried for our mothers to help and called the hospital to send for a helicopter to rescue our poor friend Dan. Instead they sent an Ambulance with paramedics.

It was quite a day and everyone felt pretty shaken by the day’s incident. Well, all except me and Kevin. The following day we hid behind a bush and jumped Carl’s brother as we walking home. We knew the techniques – we watched the fighters closely on TV and knew how to execute throws and drops. We were prepared.

Well, not quite prepared for fists which are quite illegal in Judo. We didn’t learn about the round house or the sucker punch. We were familiar with the noogie, but we weren’t very big fans of it. And when we were overpowered by the high schooler, we received pummels like we never had before. And I got to say, it hurt.

Kevin and I returned home defeated and disappointed. Judo sucks as a fighting technique. The rest of the day we watched a discovery channel special on guns and ammo. If only we weren’t underage.